You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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