my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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