They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
