when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
