And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
