last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
