There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
