I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
