im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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