I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
