he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She's like a pop up book from hell.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
