The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
