He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
