I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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