Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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