I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
