I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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