i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There r osticjed everywhere
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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