You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
