It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
