There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How's work?
Spinning.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm both gender and math confused
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
