So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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