If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
