hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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