Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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