U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
