and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize