sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
