i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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