There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
