Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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