so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
