Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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