I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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