I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize