go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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