you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
