Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She just used a chaser for red wine.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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