he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
