whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
