i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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