I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
