I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
