Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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