you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
