I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize