that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
