dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
