The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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