and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
