I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
