Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
