tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
