He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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