Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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