all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There r osticjed everywhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
