Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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