I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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