Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He shit in the fireplace
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I just sharted jello shots
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
