While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
