I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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