Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
