I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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