where am i from again
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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