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why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
