my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
