I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
