dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
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burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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