Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
