Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
