Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
